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Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Pass It On


“Why does grace hurt so much?”  That question is forever etched in my mind.  I have a friend who over time has helped me to know the answer to this question.  The first time she asked this question I knew very well why it hurt, but couldn’t give words to my pain.  I have been around Christian circles long enough to know that meaning of grace to be “unmerited favor”, so I know it isn’t really something that we can or need to earn.  But people aren’t so kind sometimes and so I could write a whole blog on examples of grace gone bad. (another day)

It had been four years since the death of my first husband and I had crawled in to a deep dark emotional hole.  The deeper I dug, the more I was convinced that I would never love or be loved again.  Over many conversations, Diet Coke’s and coffee, Lynn and I would talk about grace, love, God and the fact that I really was worthy of it all.  Because I knew Lynn’s background, I knew that I could trust in what she was telling me.  But more importantly I trusted in what she “showed” me.  So many of us talk about grace, and the extension of it, that to me, it has lost its beauty and uniqueness. 

Lynn has been fighting a battle for her life because of cancer and I have had many hours of wishing there were something that I could do for her, to take her pain away.  I want so much to find a tangible way to give back to her because of what she has given me over the years.

I had a dream the other night about Lynn that was very profound and really too detailed to describe here.  But when I awoke from this dream I was convinced that I really can’t give her anything that she doesn’t have.  Grace doesn’t hurt so much anymore and so rather than trying to find a way to give back to Lynn, I want to simply share what she so freely gave to me without question, judgment or expectation.  I may be all wrong, but I think that this would honor her more than a bouquet of flowers or some sentimental card. Out of the abundance I have received I want to help others understand they too are worthy of this grace. 

I know this isn't well written or even close to eloquence, but sometimes I think and write and perhaps should do less writing than thinking in times when my heart is heavy.  But somehow I know that there is another person in this world who needs to read these words and so I do what I do.  Maybe it's you and in that case I'm glad you stopped by.  

I hope that somewhere along the road you find this same grace and love.

I welcome your comments and insight so feel free to email me at crackedpotts@gmail.com

Amy Lynn Michael

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