“Why does grace hurt so much?” That question is forever etched in my mind. I have a friend who over time has helped me to know the answer to this question. The first time she asked this question I knew very well why it hurt, but couldn’t give words to my pain. I have been around Christian circles long enough to know that meaning of grace to be “unmerited favor”, so I know it isn’t really something that we can or need to earn. But people aren’t so kind sometimes and so I could write a whole blog on examples of grace gone bad. (another day)
It had been four years since the death of my first husband and I had crawled in to a deep dark emotional hole. The deeper I dug, the more I was convinced that I would never love or be loved again. Over many conversations, Diet Coke’s and coffee, Lynn and I would talk about grace, love, God and the fact that I really was worthy of it all. Because I knew
’s background, I knew that I could trust in what she was telling me. But more importantly I trusted in what she “showed” me. So many of us talk about grace, and the extension of it, that to me, it has lost its beauty and uniqueness. Lynn
I had a dream the other night about
that was very profound and really too detailed to describe here. But when I awoke from this dream I was convinced that I really can’t give her anything that she doesn’t have. Grace doesn’t hurt so much anymore and so rather than trying to find a way to give back to Lynn, I want to simply share what she so freely gave to me without question, judgment or expectation. I may be all wrong, but I think that this would honor her more than a bouquet of flowers or some sentimental card. Out of the abundance I have received I want to help others understand they too are worthy of this grace. Lynn
I know this isn't well written or even close to eloquence, but sometimes I think and write and perhaps should do less writing than thinking in times when my heart is heavy. But somehow I know that there is another person in this world who needs to read these words and so I do what I do. Maybe it's you and in that case I'm glad you stopped by.
I hope that somewhere along the road you find this same grace and love.
I welcome your comments and insight so feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Amy Lynn Michael