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Saturday, August 10, 2013

Second Time Around


“I love being married to you”, I often say to my husband. I say this because it’s absolutely true.  I also am known to say, “I love everything about you except (long pause) that one thing (sigh)”.  I don’t know what that “one thing” is just yet, after all, we have only been together for five years.  Our marriage had a great beginning, a tiny rough spot that we worked through, and now we enjoy each day as it comes.  As those who know us suspect, we do laugh a lot at our house. We laugh at each other and we can laugh at our self. Frank Sinatra sang, “Love is better, the second time around…”, which makes me wonder what he was singing the third and fourth times around, but that’s another blog post.  If you have been reading my blog from the beginning, you know that this is my second marriage. I have to say that love is different, the second time around.  My first marriage was not horrible and it was not perfect.  But after being single again for a few years and after a lot of heartache and work on my own hurts and past failings, I began to look back and sift through the good and bad in it all and to learn from it. I learned a whole lot about who I really was and what I really wanted in life.  And although I had come to know and feel that I didn't need a man in my life, I really wanted to share my new-found self with someone very special who would not try to change me or to discount the source of my strength.

I had a friend that lived out of state who was single from divorce.  She and I would share single’s ads from our local newspapers and howl with laughter as we tried to find each other the perfect mate. Knowing that one of my requirements was that my future mate would have all of his teeth, she sent me an ad with a headline that read, “I have all my own teeth”.  I reciprocated with an ad that said, “I’m not looking for marriage, just friendship and a good cook.”  This is the point when I realized that if that second time around was going to happen, the hardest part would be finding that special someone.  I pretty much decided that I wasn’t going to go on a mad search for a man.  If someone came into my life that I could enjoy spending time with, then I would consider a second go at marriage.  I could write volumes about failed dates and a very strange blind-date; thank God I was not blind, but I will spare you the details and time. 

Mike and I corresponded through e-mail, spent hours talking on the phone.  Our record breaking phone call was nearly four hours long.  Text messages, dating long distance from Kansas to Iowa and finally meeting his parents, (which was and still is a huge bonus), and I knew that this was the man I wanted to share my love, my life and my laughter with.  Yeah, there have been skeptics along the way because of our difference in spiritual matters, but I shrug my shoulders and consider it a learning experience for them too.

Here we are five years into our marriage and we are still happy.  When people ask me for marriage advice, I usually disappoint them because I don’t have a “how to” guide.  Because we are all so different in how we relate to others, it would be unrealistic to expect that our marriage is a model marriage.  There are some things, though, that I do believe keep our marriage fresh, alive and strong.

  • ·         Love notes written and left in unexpected places at unexpected times
  • ·         Flirting that didn’t stop after the vows were spoken
  • ·         Flowers for no particular reason
  • ·         Listening, listening, listening
  • ·         We allow each other space to learn and grow in our individuality
  • ·         Respecting each other’s passions even though they may not be the same
  • ·         Laughter.  Laugh much, laugh often because marriage is hard work


The past five years of my life have been full of life and love and friendship.  We have been frustrated together and we have laughed together.  We have argued about things and we have learned to respect individuality.  We have been to movies that we were not mutually excited about, but enjoyed the pop-corn and buttery hand-holding that goes with it. We have traveled together and bickered about navigational deficiencies and we have looked with the same wide-eyed wonder at the natural beauty of our country, forgetting about that wrong turn.

I have found someone who accepts my love in its simplicity and does not compare me to another and who sees my quirky self as something unique and to be adored; I have found someone who does not expect me to be more or less than who I am, I have found love. 

So, Frank Sinatra, I hope I never know about three and four, but I think you got it right, love is better the second time around.  We have learned from our mistakes and we have done our best not to repeat them in our second marriages.

I love being married to Mike Potts and I really cannot imagine my life without him. 

August 14th is Mike’s birthday and this year we will be celebrating our 5th anniversary on that same day. (we got married on his birthday so that I would easily remember the date)

Thank you for stopping by and if you got this far....for reading yet another sappy love story.

Later.............


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